A disheveled smile

"You're weird, S. You know that. Perverse. Perverted even! Antisocial. Almost asexual."

"Perverted, yes. Just because I get turned on by the internals, not the externals? Gosh.", turned-on was getting easier, though, with the coming of spring, she thought.

"Well, I don't know.. But see, you're driving men crazy! Probably even I'm crazy about you." 

"It's 'cause you're a manipulator and thus, you let yourself be easily manipulated.", she said firmly and gave a glance full of her peculiar aggressiveness. 

"Me? Nah.", that came as mechanically told. "Alright. I mean I get it. You want to be free. But isn't that too stubborn, even for you.. Nobody can live without a relationship."

"A relationship? Why would I need that? With all that fussing and fighting... Always thinking what the other person might want and if he's happy. Always thinking about what he said or did and what he meant by that. Always having to worry about if this thing wll last. That's what people do, don't they? Looking for either's fault just because something happened. Always searching for clues to convince themselves how unloved they are. Tolerating the other person's notions of love and even competing with them. Like, "Baby, be nice, and try to kill yourself from desperation, so you could prove your love and I could feel better about my uniqueness". I don't want that. Why would anybody want that? Why, in the world, would anybody bring so much trouble upon themselves?"

"..."

"Don't get me wrong. I haven't forgotten the safety, the touch, the passion. But this ain't even close to love."

"So, you prefer having no love instead of having a mere substitute for it?"

"But I have love! I have my own love", her large smile pitched her voice a bit higher. "I have the love of the mountains, the love of the flowers, the birds, the moon. And this love is forever! I have the love of what people take for granted. The water, the sky, the soil and the fire. For them, they've become invisible. Not physically, but mentally. And they would call me crazy for thinking that I can have this kind of love. They would believe I'm nuts for having a world like that. 'Cause all they have in their worlds is people. But no love." By leaving the lighter on the desk, she disengaged her hands and stretched behind to the back of the couch. "I'm never alone. My days are full of shared moments, requited love and genuine care. Everything has a soul. And every little soul here cares for me. Like a passionate exchange of body fluids, we reciprocate our breath. I exhale what trees inhale, and they inhale what I exhale. We need each other. And yet we are liberated."